Post-Traumatic Growth: How to Turn Setbacks into Forward Momentum
Healing from a trauma isn’t easy. In fact, it is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It almost broke me in half. But healing doesn’t happen in a straight line. It happens in a zigzag.
There will always be setbacks. Moments of weakness happen when we divert back to our old, comfortable yet toxic ways of coping. This is unfortunately unavoidable.
But how we react to those setbacks is what matters. Here are a few challenges I have faced, and you might face as well and how to overcome them. Let’s grow through the pain together.
Making the Wrong Choice: Moments of Weakness
In August of 2023 I was finally on the right track. I had left a toxic marriage and was living a life I had always wanted. My children were happy, and I was happy. Everything was “perfect.” Then on August 15th, I received a call that shattered me. My best friend had died. He was 36. My heart broke into a million pieces on the spot.
I wanted to share my grief; I wanted to be comforted. So, I reached out to the people I thought would love me and would consol me in my loss.
My mother: “awe… anyways what are you doing this weekend.”
Best Girlfriend: “That’s crazy dude.”
No one seemed to care that the world had lost one of its brightest lights. I was sad and angry. At my loneliest, I remembered there was one person who has been begging to love me. That person was my ex-husband. I called him and he rushed right over to wipe my tears away. His love felt magical, I believed all his promises, and I let him back in. The wrong choice.
Remember Who You Are: Letting Your Mistake Go
No one seemed to care that the world had lost one of its brightest lights. I was sad and angry. At my loneliest, I remembered there was one person who has been begging to love me. That person was my ex-husband. I called him and he rushed right over to wipe my tears away. His love felt magical, I believed all his promises, and I let him back in. The wrong choice.
Remember Who You Are: Letting Your Mistake Go
That whole year I fell right back into the hole I worked so hard to climb out of. I drank alcohol every day, I stopped going to the gym, and I fought with my husband constantly. I knew what I was doing wasn’t good for me. But I didn’t stop.
After that year, I woke up in August of 2024 and I remembered who I really am. This wasn’t it. I knew something had to change. I talked to my therapist first about what was happening. Then I signed up for a 4 day women’s retreat. (for information on the retreat click here)
I was changed upon my return; I had looked deep within myself and gave her a big hug. Here are some tools I used to find myself again:
- Write yourself a love letter with everything you wish someone would say to you.
- Gaze at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself those things.
- Take time away from media and other distractions.
- Spend time in Nature.
- Let your mistakes go: write them down and burn them.
When I got back from the retreat, I told my husband it was over.
Think of Your Mistakes as lessons: Get Back on Track
I no longer hold any guilt for slipping back into my toxic ways. Instead, I think of it as a lesson I was not yet done learning. I give myself grace and love because I know that it is what my body and soul need. Remember to always listen to your body and soul. They will guide you in your healing and self-care.
I’m back on track and thriving in my healing and self-care journey. While I am still forever changed by the loss I have experienced. I have learned that I can still thrive while hurting. We all can.
